So recently I quit my job. It was a part time job as a waitress and my first real job. To be honest, quitting was terrifying. Now, however I've got my own HubPages account where I can write articles and earn money through Google Adsense. I'm pretty excited about it, it's going to be challenging but once I get the hang of writing good articles I'm sure it'll go well. My biggest problem seems to be deciding what to write about, I always question whether people will find my articles interesting or not. But lets be real. Everything is interesting to someone. So really there's nothing for me to stress about. If you ever wanna check it out, to see what I'm writing bout or to start your own HubPages here's the link to my profile: http://deannaerskine.hubpages.com/
On a semi side note I've finally decided what I'm going to go by in the writing world. Deanna Erskine just seems like a name that isn't really going to catch attention. It doesn't stand out enough. So I'm going to use my middle initials. Yes initials, plural. I have two middle names, which lucky for me, makes my name stand out when I put it all together. So instead of Deanna Erskine I'm going to go by Deanna J. E. Erskine in the writing word.
Oh. And I finally forked out for a laptop! It's only a little netbook (11.6' screen) but it's perfect for me and I love it. It's so much easier having this thing as well as my desktop. When no one's home I can chill in the living room with the dog and the tv and do my writing, and general web surfing. Or, in the evenings I can disappear to my room and relax on my desktop while my laptop charges up.
NaNoWriMo is in just over a month! I'm super excited, and a little nervous, but very determined. This year I'm going to be a winner. I haven't decided which Idea I'm going to go with yet, but I'm got a very good ones up my sleeve. November will be a fun month.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
A page of a lovestory
I once dated this guy, and he was everything. That sounds silly, and overly happy and wonderful, but it was true. He was everything good, and a fair bit of bad. I think he taught me what real love was.
We started out in a hard place that only got harder, we met towards the end of the relationship I was in before I was with him, and he helped me get through that. We were long distance, and met through a mutual friend, we'll call her Kelsey. He had a crappy laptop with no webcam, and phone calls made him uncomfortable. But we talked endlessly online.
It wasn't long before I fell for him. I fell hard, and fast, and so easily. And he was everything. He made my world spin a little faster, and my days look a little brighter. We talked about everything. About plans to spend entire days together, and cuddle and watch movies. We'd spend all out time curled up watching Pingu or Romeo and Juliet, sealed with a kiss (An animated romeo and Juliet story about seals). And cook for each other, he would always complain because I don't eat veggies, and cooking for me would be such a hassle. He told me he wouldn't kiss me the first time we see each other, because more than likely I'd be with family at the airport and he worried he'd have a hard time stopping and he didn't want to give a bad first impression. We talked about all the things new couples probably shouldn't talk about, politics, voting, world problems, and what ifs.
Have you ever felt the kind of love that leaves you glowing and smiling for hours after you last spoke? The kind where people just look at you and can see that you're in love without knowing a thing about you? That's what it was. He taught me how to depend on myself, how to be strong, and confident. He taught me what I wanted without even trying to. Everything about us was perfectly flawed. And it didn't take long to find out why.
Everyone has a love story to share. And most people share theirs, they're happy stories, or inspiring stories. For the longest time I didn't think that I had a love story to share, I was wrong. I had a story, I just never wanted to share it. His name was Seth, he was a stage actor. And he had a stage name - Ben. Seth didn't have a facebook, and when I accidentally happened across his stage name I unraveled the real reason as to why. It was my best friend Kate who thought to look him up by his stage name on facebook, she did it out of curiosity claiming that "everyone has a facebook" It turned out that she was right. Ben had a facebook, and a girlfriend who wasn't me.
That night when Kelsey got online I told her about it, I was trying to make sense of it in my head, because it didn't make sense, I thought he was better than that. How come she never knew? When she called she told me the truth. She didn't hold back, or beat around the bush. Seth didn't exist. Kelsey had a personality disorder, that I no longer remember the name of, and had based Seth off of the real stage actor Ben. I was horrified.
For a long while I didn't understand why it happened to me. Or why something like that would happen to anyone. Over time though I realized that there were lots of reasons that it happened. I didn't know what love really felt like, I didn't know the kind of relationship that I really wanted to be in. I wasn't a confident person, or know who I was at all. It happened to shape me. Just like everything that happens shapes the people it happens to, that shaped me.
And it's been a year now since it all began and Seth's been on my mind, and something told me that it's time to share my story. And where better to share it, then here? Here where I feel safe, because it's my own little zone. So here's to bad situations, growing, and being shaped. And to moving forward.
...And to unimaginable love stories.
We started out in a hard place that only got harder, we met towards the end of the relationship I was in before I was with him, and he helped me get through that. We were long distance, and met through a mutual friend, we'll call her Kelsey. He had a crappy laptop with no webcam, and phone calls made him uncomfortable. But we talked endlessly online.
It wasn't long before I fell for him. I fell hard, and fast, and so easily. And he was everything. He made my world spin a little faster, and my days look a little brighter. We talked about everything. About plans to spend entire days together, and cuddle and watch movies. We'd spend all out time curled up watching Pingu or Romeo and Juliet, sealed with a kiss (An animated romeo and Juliet story about seals). And cook for each other, he would always complain because I don't eat veggies, and cooking for me would be such a hassle. He told me he wouldn't kiss me the first time we see each other, because more than likely I'd be with family at the airport and he worried he'd have a hard time stopping and he didn't want to give a bad first impression. We talked about all the things new couples probably shouldn't talk about, politics, voting, world problems, and what ifs.
Have you ever felt the kind of love that leaves you glowing and smiling for hours after you last spoke? The kind where people just look at you and can see that you're in love without knowing a thing about you? That's what it was. He taught me how to depend on myself, how to be strong, and confident. He taught me what I wanted without even trying to. Everything about us was perfectly flawed. And it didn't take long to find out why.
Everyone has a love story to share. And most people share theirs, they're happy stories, or inspiring stories. For the longest time I didn't think that I had a love story to share, I was wrong. I had a story, I just never wanted to share it. His name was Seth, he was a stage actor. And he had a stage name - Ben. Seth didn't have a facebook, and when I accidentally happened across his stage name I unraveled the real reason as to why. It was my best friend Kate who thought to look him up by his stage name on facebook, she did it out of curiosity claiming that "everyone has a facebook" It turned out that she was right. Ben had a facebook, and a girlfriend who wasn't me.
That night when Kelsey got online I told her about it, I was trying to make sense of it in my head, because it didn't make sense, I thought he was better than that. How come she never knew? When she called she told me the truth. She didn't hold back, or beat around the bush. Seth didn't exist. Kelsey had a personality disorder, that I no longer remember the name of, and had based Seth off of the real stage actor Ben. I was horrified.
For a long while I didn't understand why it happened to me. Or why something like that would happen to anyone. Over time though I realized that there were lots of reasons that it happened. I didn't know what love really felt like, I didn't know the kind of relationship that I really wanted to be in. I wasn't a confident person, or know who I was at all. It happened to shape me. Just like everything that happens shapes the people it happens to, that shaped me.
And it's been a year now since it all began and Seth's been on my mind, and something told me that it's time to share my story. And where better to share it, then here? Here where I feel safe, because it's my own little zone. So here's to bad situations, growing, and being shaped. And to moving forward.
...And to unimaginable love stories.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Superheros
I like Batman. Batman has always been my superhero favorite, and I've never had much interest in the others, I don't know why but it's just the way it's always been.
Last night I went to see The Amazing Spiderman and The Avengers. And suddenly it's like I'm just a huge superhero fan, rather then just a Batman fan. There's something about superheros that I love, it's not just the action packed crime fighting all around awesomeness, or even just the humor (which, who doesn't love?) I think it's the fact that all superheros start out no different then the rest of us. Maybe I'm off a little bit - I don't read comics, and I haven't done in depth research about the start of all the superheros and how they became super or anything. But it seems as though they all start off normal (Except Thor, forget Thor he doesn't count) and I think that's awesome.
Normal people who have something happen to them and use the opportunity to fight crime, and try to keep people safe? And to do it for free? It's kind of amazing. I think that's the part that makes them super to me. The power or abilities they have doesn't have anything to do with them being super. It's the choices they make.
It's like, in a way, we can all be superheros. Just by doing things that are right instead of turning a blind eye or choosing to do something bad. We just don't need a mask to do it.
Last night I went to see The Amazing Spiderman and The Avengers. And suddenly it's like I'm just a huge superhero fan, rather then just a Batman fan. There's something about superheros that I love, it's not just the action packed crime fighting all around awesomeness, or even just the humor (which, who doesn't love?) I think it's the fact that all superheros start out no different then the rest of us. Maybe I'm off a little bit - I don't read comics, and I haven't done in depth research about the start of all the superheros and how they became super or anything. But it seems as though they all start off normal (Except Thor, forget Thor he doesn't count) and I think that's awesome.
Normal people who have something happen to them and use the opportunity to fight crime, and try to keep people safe? And to do it for free? It's kind of amazing. I think that's the part that makes them super to me. The power or abilities they have doesn't have anything to do with them being super. It's the choices they make.
It's like, in a way, we can all be superheros. Just by doing things that are right instead of turning a blind eye or choosing to do something bad. We just don't need a mask to do it.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Forward
Today I did something brave, not just for me but for anyone these days. I quit my job. I took the first step towards big changes in my life and it frightens me, and excites me all at once.
I cannot live the life of day in day out going to a nine-to-five style job. That's not me. I've realized that I refuse to follow the traditional path of work. It's not just that i don't want to. It's that I literally can't. It takes away who I am and overwhelms me with a sense of loss and discomfort. I'm not me when I wait tables or refill ketchup bottles. My comfort is gone when i work in a place where everyone acts like it's high school. It shouldn't be high school.
So I'm moving forward. Two weeks from today I'll no longer be a waitress. One week from today I'll be at first Friday selling my paintings. Today though? Today I'm just a girl relaxing, today I'm the girl who's ready to move forward. Today is the day where I am terrified. Because it won't be easy.
But tomorrow? Tomorrow is the day I refuse to stop failing.
I cannot live the life of day in day out going to a nine-to-five style job. That's not me. I've realized that I refuse to follow the traditional path of work. It's not just that i don't want to. It's that I literally can't. It takes away who I am and overwhelms me with a sense of loss and discomfort. I'm not me when I wait tables or refill ketchup bottles. My comfort is gone when i work in a place where everyone acts like it's high school. It shouldn't be high school.
So I'm moving forward. Two weeks from today I'll no longer be a waitress. One week from today I'll be at first Friday selling my paintings. Today though? Today I'm just a girl relaxing, today I'm the girl who's ready to move forward. Today is the day where I am terrified. Because it won't be easy.
But tomorrow? Tomorrow is the day I refuse to stop failing.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tribes
I follow this one blog called Goins, Writer by a guy called Jeff Goins. He's a writer, and a good one at that, and on his blog he writes in a way to help other writers. Tribes is one thing he talks about a lot.
Never before had I thought of the people who might read my writing or listen to what I have to say as a tribe. Everywhere else you look on the web you see the people who pay attention to you being called followers. Like the follow you around as though they're lost puppies, or people who just can't seem to get you off their minds. And then there's Facebook which calls them friend when often they're people you barely know who really don't care what you have to say. So I have to say I certainly like the idea of a tribe. It doesn't sound like stalking, and it doesn't sound like you're trying desperately to please everyone. It sounds more like we're in this together. It's a group, a team, an understanding.
So whether people flock to listen to what I have to say, or trickle in over decades or if I never have more then two people who are remotely interested this is my tribe. This is where I will speak, and allow myself to be heard, or not. (that part is really up to you).
So welcome, welcome to Pride and Pen. Where it's not just about me and my writing, but about us. Because I want to hear from you as well.
Never before had I thought of the people who might read my writing or listen to what I have to say as a tribe. Everywhere else you look on the web you see the people who pay attention to you being called followers. Like the follow you around as though they're lost puppies, or people who just can't seem to get you off their minds. And then there's Facebook which calls them friend when often they're people you barely know who really don't care what you have to say. So I have to say I certainly like the idea of a tribe. It doesn't sound like stalking, and it doesn't sound like you're trying desperately to please everyone. It sounds more like we're in this together. It's a group, a team, an understanding.
So whether people flock to listen to what I have to say, or trickle in over decades or if I never have more then two people who are remotely interested this is my tribe. This is where I will speak, and allow myself to be heard, or not. (that part is really up to you).
So welcome, welcome to Pride and Pen. Where it's not just about me and my writing, but about us. Because I want to hear from you as well.
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